There is a problem with love. There always is. Once you fall and completely give yourself over to someone, you lose your own power over yourself. Now there is this other being who can hurt you at any moment of time. And when it happens, it is like a hot dull knife pulling through your insides. You don’t know when it will happen, so you have to sit and wait.
And so you try to find reasons to destroy this emotion, to burn the other person before they burn you. Because maybe then it will hurt less. But it never does, because you can stab the one you love but you’re killing yourself. I finally learned that. Finally.
I needed to let myself fall completely and trust myself in his arms. And I did. I grabbed his hand and jumped; the water is fine. Yes, it may get rocky, but I know together we will make through it all and find calmer waters.
I’m still afraid. I always will be. But when he holds me, when he looks at me, there is nothing that can touch me.
We need to stop trying to find reasons. We need to stop trying to destroy this. We need to allow ourselves be happy.
I’ve never met someone with whom I felt an instant connection with. When he held my hand, it was like electricity and I knew I was doomed. When he kissed me, I felt alive again, reborn and clean. Our love is like fire. Hot and passionate and can burn us both. But if we are going to burn, let it burn to the ground. Because all of the pain and hurt is worth every moment I spend with him.
Love, it’s such a complicated emotion. I’ve never felt it, truly, until him. I am going to make sure I hold on to it, onto him, no matter what. I will walk through the fires of hell to make this last, to keep this.
I’m going to pull him in, because the water is fine.